home is where

Wonderland seemed so far off,
How Alice got there, I was lost.
The smell, the trees, fluent alone.
I was just looking for a better home.

And if that means I rot to bits,
My skeleton remains a broken glitz.
Rabbit watched as my ship went down,
He created a strangled sound.

Turned and twist, my smile went,
Blood and brain, my time was spent.
I’ll always find my way back here,
This hole never ends, my deathly fear.

If I had fingernails, I’d create something out of beauty on your back. That smooth skin, a canvas, while you’re driving me home.

He cashed out and let go,
held on by surgical tape and
a talent for sweet talking. A
miracle fell off the building
today. Landed face down,
the palm of my hand held
sunshine dust. Threw it at
the lake and laughed it off
while coke entered our veins.
Sweetness, it tasted like
the elbows of your arms. 

i dream in color, mostly bright blues and yellows.
they contrast. the green is the gray in all my dreams.

i read somewhere that not everything is black and white. how to tell what is or isn’t, the next time we’re both on the opposites sides of the spectrum.
the next time i think i beat you, when really, it’s never like that.

i wanted to say something, i want to say something
to him, or to myself, but it’s a lot harder to do than i thought.
feelings are feelings that act like people, but stand alone on their own.

they have this power to reflect a good and bad, no matter how we put things.
if i tell the truth, i’ll hurt someone. if i tell a lie, tomorrow will be the same as today.

today is just an off day, tomorrow will be better.
and i tell myself that all the time while i’m lying in bed, thinking of ending it with a hammer.

I cut down to the center of my being, and pulled a piece of paper strapped to my veins. They kept it there for so long, wouldn’t let me read it. Veins were the arms that held us together.
I unfolded and unfolded, expecting a drawing of my heart being torn from the top to bottom. But on the surface, was a word and it was so simple, it said “always” and I shoved it back in. My veins stretched, clutched it, smiled themselves, and I closed up.

it’s warmer, it’s backwards, you’re dressed up, all cozy on the couch, you learned 12 languages while i was gone, i went fishing for a puzzle piece that went missing.
i came back to anything but english.
“remember when?”
“i don’t understand, i want to fall asleep again.”

Unexpected and appropriate.
The weather has it’s own opinion about everything. I can’t decide on this dirty sweatshirt I’ve been wearing straight for the past two weeks.
Crusty particles on the very edge of the sleeve. Doesn’t bother me much, it’s 70 the next day, and it’s gaining more crumbs on the bottom of my floor.
Spring cleaning, an evolution. Trash bags and ties, I throw out this long sleeve I hadn’t worn since I was a sophomore.
It looked good on me once. Wrapped around my curves and flattered myself. Then life became dizzy, and weight was an issue. Happens to everybody.
The clouds have more trouble making up their mind than the average person walking the street.

It’s cold out now, but earlier, I was holding your hand, a bit of sweat gaining on the tip top of my back. I was hoping for rain, and I got it.
Now I’m hoping for Sun, and I want it. 

i love good days and rainy nights
when you remind me that mistakes are something we all make
i’m not a robot, i’m a skin crawler

Darling shut the light off and I grew restless in the bed.
I saw his smile grow into a thousand teenage boys, his lookalikes, creeping over the comforter and sneaking underneath.
Hands traveling toward a beyond we had never been before.

“I want you all to myself. I’m selfish.”
“Oh well.”